Do I have your attention?

Now, before I get too deep into my latest BART blunder, I should preface by saying that I think that "farting" or "tooting" or "passing gas" is probably one of the funniest noises on the face of the planet. Yes, I have a sick sense of humor (and am probably a 10 year old boy trapped in a 30 year old woman's body), but there's just something about the act that immediately brings tears to my eyes (no pun intended).

HOWEVER, this act is only funny when it's unintentional, it's done by a someone you love or care about, or is at the very least followed up by an embarrassed "whoopsie daisy" apology. This act certainly isn't funny when it happens on your shoulder, in your neatly pressed Banana Republic blouse, by a complete stranger during a Wednesday morning commute.

If you've ever been on BART, you know that there are seats that back into nothing, and on a busy day these
seat backs end up being standing-room-only butt rests. This day, I was lucky (soon to be unlucky) to grab a seat for my journey into work. As I put on my earphones and break out my latest book, I quickly began to feel my personal
space to disappear. Almost immediately, I feel something squishy on my back. When I turn around to investigate, I realize that this packed train has caused a rather tall mans' butt cheek to find a temporary home on my shoulder. As I uncomfortably shift to attempt to free my poor arm, it happens; an unsettling rumble with a force that could have derailed our train...and immediately I ask myself: "Did I just get farted ON?!"

Now, I don't think that it was his intention to fart on me (or for it to have been conducted with such momentum that the lady next to me felt it) and truly think it was a "whoopsie daisy" slip, but as I turned around, IN UTTER SHOCK, about to give this guy a piece of my mind, he points to the guy next to him and blames it on that poor oblivious sucker! I couldn't believe it! The least he could have done was owned it!

I mean, let's face it, intentional or not-- it happened. At this point, he might as well have apologized and started laughing with me. Instead, he made the situation worse by ignoring it all together and looking even more foolish than the incident itself.

After I got over the initial shock, all I could do was laugh. And that’s all I did for the next hour. I mean this certainly wasn't the first time someone has felt comfortable enough to share a tooting moment on me (my one year old nephew loves to do it every time I pick him up), and I'm confident it won't be the last. But, I'm hoping that since this act was done by a complete stranger, that he's a part of a culture where farting on someone means a bout of good luck is about to come to the receiver (much like when a bird poops on you). Otherwise, I probably need
to reevaluate some things in my life and ponder why I've become the ultimate tooter magnet.