Have you ever been unexpectedly licked while riding public transit? I haven't either, but I was the lucky witness to the gruesome act this afternoon.
I'm sitting across from a man and a woman, apparently strangers, and both seemingly "normal", when out-of-the-blue, the man leans over and licks the woman's shoulder. Yep, licks. Now this lick... It was one that would make Gene Simmons blush. It wasn't a lick one does when they are trying a new kind of food and are nervous, and it wasn't even the type of lick one does to their fingers before turning the pages of the book. This was a "I'm-going-to-lick-the-shit-out-of-my-favorite-flavor-of-ice-cream-nestled-on-a-caramel-waffle-cone" type of lick.
In shock, me and the other 2 people watching, gasped, waiting to see what was going to happen next. I expected a punch in the face, a scream or even a verbal tongue lashing (no pun intended). Nothing. Even more stunned, I just sat there with a giant look of disgust on my face. The longest 10 seconds of my life passed by, and then it happened: without missing a beat, she licked him back. Her lick didn't have nearly as much fervor, but it was still epic.
This licking event went on for a few more minutes, each time trying to outdo one another. I just sat in disbelief. Is this really happening right now? Are they just dogs in human clothing? Or has my day been that draining that I'm actually imagining this (but why would I imagine THAT)?
Finally, the licking fiasco ended and both got off a the same stop. Perplexed, I watched them walk off together-- and start laughing. Clearly these people knew each other and are involved in a new form of street performance, or some form of kinky behavior that I will truly never understand.
I have to say, although the incident made my stomach turn, and it was probably the weirdest thing I've seen to date, it makes me laugh just thinking about it. I'm still looking behind my back, waiting for Ashton to pop out of the drivers seat, but then I remind myself- every ride on this train is like being in an episode of Punked. If you don't believe me, give it a whirl. I promise you, I can't make this stuff up.